Is it really possible to be friends with an ex without some sort of drama? It looks like Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are trying to put their own relationship demons behind them. After a pretty dramatic month and a split that seemed to be for good in January, Justin was photographed at Selena’ house yesterday.
It’s unlikely that they’d get back together yet again considering all the crazy stuff that’s gone down since they first broke up (including Selena’s smack talking), but they may just be trying to tie up some loose ends to end the animosity and move forward without all that baggage. But it is possible to be friends with an ex–it just takes time and a lot more maturity than some people can handle.
I’m friends with all of my exes except one (mostly because I don’t know where on the planet he is, but I wish him well anyway). But it wasn’t always easy. Here’s how to transition from lovers to exes to friends without any confusion or heartache on either side.
Don’t try to be buddy-buddy right away.
When my ex Matt broke up with me, I was pretty pissed because we’d been BFFs even before we dated–and it made him think we could switch right back over to that without a hitch, even though our split was messy (and by “messy,” I mean “he cheated with a girl who looked like she was 12″). I needed space and time to get over it, and he wouldn’t leave me alone. It made him feel less guilty to check in on me constantly, but it only made me feel worse because the breakup was in my face all the time. After blocking him from social media and my cell for a while–and meeting someone new–I was in a much better place to pal around with him, and now we’re fine. If you did the dumping, give your ex room to breathe–and if he dumped you, he should give you the same courtesy. Someone who truly wants to be your friend is someone who cares about your well-being, and you can’t be well if they’re doing something to hamper your moving on with your life.
When my ex Matt broke up with me, I was pretty pissed because we’d been BFFs even before we dated–and it made him think we could switch right back over to that without a hitch, even though our split was messy (and by “messy,” I mean “he cheated with a girl who looked like she was 12″). I needed space and time to get over it, and he wouldn’t leave me alone. It made him feel less guilty to check in on me constantly, but it only made me feel worse because the breakup was in my face all the time. After blocking him from social media and my cell for a while–and meeting someone new–I was in a much better place to pal around with him, and now we’re fine. If you did the dumping, give your ex room to breathe–and if he dumped you, he should give you the same courtesy. Someone who truly wants to be your friend is someone who cares about your well-being, and you can’t be well if they’re doing something to hamper your moving on with your life.
is it possible to be friends with an ex?
Expect some awkwardness.
Being friends with an ex can be tough because even if there’s no animosity there, it’s still a big jump from being friends who made out and maybe saw each another naked. If you feel a little stiff and don’t know what to say around one another, relax. It’s a big adjustment and it may not happen overnight, but you can start with just a neutral icebreaker: “Did you see Spring Breakers? Wasn’t it nuts?”
Being friends with an ex can be tough because even if there’s no animosity there, it’s still a big jump from being friends who made out and maybe saw each another naked. If you feel a little stiff and don’t know what to say around one another, relax. It’s a big adjustment and it may not happen overnight, but you can start with just a neutral icebreaker: “Did you see Spring Breakers? Wasn’t it nuts?”
Steer clear of hot button topics–like your former relationship.
Chances are if you guys split, there was at least some sort of disagreement along the line somewhere. Talking about it when you’re broken up may seem like a way to gain closure and become friends with an ex, but it’s often just exhausting. Keep it light, or else you risk the same drama you thought you escaped by breaking up with the dude.
Chances are if you guys split, there was at least some sort of disagreement along the line somewhere. Talking about it when you’re broken up may seem like a way to gain closure and become friends with an ex, but it’s often just exhausting. Keep it light, or else you risk the same drama you thought you escaped by breaking up with the dude.
If you want to be friends with an ex, keep your mutual friends out of your drama.
After a nasty breakup with a drummer with whom I had a lot of mutual friends, they were all sort of divided as to whose “team” they were on. Guess how that turned out? With a really mean email from him (which he later apologized for) after one of those mutual pals got a story twisted and it got back to him. It led to a lot more of that aforementioned awkwardness once we saw one another. We’re fine now, but it would have happened a lot quicker without all that outside interaction.
After a nasty breakup with a drummer with whom I had a lot of mutual friends, they were all sort of divided as to whose “team” they were on. Guess how that turned out? With a really mean email from him (which he later apologized for) after one of those mutual pals got a story twisted and it got back to him. It led to a lot more of that aforementioned awkwardness once we saw one another. We’re fine now, but it would have happened a lot quicker without all that outside interaction.
Don’t try to hide it from your current boyfriend.
Being friends with an ex isn’t a big deal, but if you make it seem like one to your new boo, that’s bad news. If you attempt to hide your friendship from your new BF, it just looks suspicious–because wouldn’t you feel the same way if he did that to your with one of his ex girlfriends? Be honest and open, and discuss what’s appropriate (saying “hey” and catching up when you see each other at parties) and what’s not (going to his place alone to watch a movie). It’ll save you lots of issues later!
Being friends with an ex isn’t a big deal, but if you make it seem like one to your new boo, that’s bad news. If you attempt to hide your friendship from your new BF, it just looks suspicious–because wouldn’t you feel the same way if he did that to your with one of his ex girlfriends? Be honest and open, and discuss what’s appropriate (saying “hey” and catching up when you see each other at parties) and what’s not (going to his place alone to watch a movie). It’ll save you lots of issues later!
Accept that you probably won’t be besties.Remember my ex Matt from the first tip? We’re not nearly as close as we were before we dated. But we’re good, and that’s enough. You have enough friends, so if you really can’t be friends with an ex without hard feelings, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just let it go and vent to your friends who, you know, didn’t dump you.
Are you friends with an ex? What’s the toughest part of being friends with an ex? Do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex without drama or getting back together?
Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2013/03/28/friends-with-an-ex-boyfriend/#ixzz2OuC4DGXC
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