Is your long-term relationship feeling a little too … long-term? Over time, it’s only natural for couples to become quite comfortable with one another, but when things become too routine, too monotonous or too mundane, it’s time to shake things up. According to their Irresistible You survey, 37% of YourTango readers polled agree that trying new things together is the best way to for couples to avoid becoming lazy or complacent in their relationships. Wanna know what their experts think you should do to beat complacency? Check out their suggestions below:
1. Look your partner in the eye. There is a yoga practice in which you look into your partner’s eyes for three minutes without looking away. The eyes are the mirrors to the soul, and it’s amazing how we cannot really look at or see each other. Once, I worked with a couple who had been married for thirty years, and they could not look into each others’ eyes. It is surprising how deeply this action can reconnect you both. – Donna Davidge
2. Get out of your environment. If it’s only for a night or two, it’s still great to get out of the town or city you live in and explore another setting together. If you have time to go to a farther-flung destination, this can be even better. Make sure it has the kind of activities that can help you connect with each other and not be distracted by the other people there. Remote places in nature can help spark the intimacy you may have forgotten. – Donna Davidge
3. Improve your looks. Dress nicely for each other more often, like when you were dating. Refresh your lip color or do something new with your hair. Your partner will notice and appreciate that you’re spending time trying to look nice for him. – Wendy Kay
4. Smell good for your partner. Always wear a nice fragrance and refresh it, but make sure it’s one your partner likes because scents evoke feelings. Be aware of the garlic and onion you had for dinner and get rid of bad breath — because that and poor hygiene are obvious turn-offs. A clean and fresh smell, however, is a total turn-on. – Wendy Kay
5. Do special things and pay attention to each other. Bring back the honeymoon phase with unexpected love and appreciation notes, cards, calls, texts or flowers. Start a couples day with date at a coffeehouse. Don’t only discuss your chores and obligations, but have some good, fun conversation. – Wendy Kay
6. Show your love and don’t hold back. Love doesn’t exist unless it is treated as a vital and living force between two people. Saying “I love you” holds far less meaning than showing our love to someone. Show excitement when you see each other, make time to just talk and be sure to make spontaneous affection part of your routine. Small steps like holding hands and making eye contact are easy to overlook in the face of busy schedules and responsibilities, but they can be key to keeping love exciting. – Dr. Lisa Firestone
7. Keep your identity as an individual. Losing yourself in love is one of the biggest threats to maintaining intimacy. Getting close to someone shouldn’t mean fusing our identities or losing respect for our innate separateness. Couples should try to complement and support each other in an effort to become their fullest selves instead of merging together to become something else. Appreciate your partner’s unique interests and enjoy him/her for the vital individual he/she is. – Dr. Lisa Firestone
8. Don’t be defensive; engage in open communication. Inviting open communication and being receptive to feedback can help us overcome the real obstacles in our relationships. Instead of making excuses or counterattacking when our partner gives us feedback, we should look for the kernel of truth in what they’re saying. Think about what applies and be compassionate to how they feel. In this same manner, you should seek to be direct and honest with your own feelings. – Dr. Lisa Firestone
9. Be open to new experiences. When a relationship gets closer, couples often risk growing apart by closing off to new experiences or limiting each other in certain ways. Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. We have to share time and activities to keep it thriving. Pay attention to what makes our partners happy, and be careful not to take actions that will restrict that happiness. – Dr. Lisa Firestone
10. Go for a date night. Set aside one night each week to have a date night and spend quality alone time. This can be spent going out to dinner, having a picnic in the park or even taking the car and finding a great makeout spot. Scheduling and sticking to a weekly date night helps you prioritize your relationship, even between two busy schedules. - Dawn Michael
11. Plan a surprise day for each other. There’s only one rule: The recipient has to focus on what they love about it with no criticisms or negative judgment allowed! Of course, if you’re afraid you’ll hurt yourself, you can back out, but hopefully your partner would never suggest you do something dangerous. – Lori Carpenos
12. Take a risk together. Take turns sharing the most erotic scene you can come up with until you’re either laughing your sides off or between the sheets. – Lori Carpenos
13. Write a story together. To make it more interesting, you should start with the sexiest, most passionate, erotic, heartfelt, deeply connected time you’re shared together and then work backwards showing how you got there. – Lori Carpenos
14. Take turns in the bedroom. The pressure to always be the one to ask for sex or to be asked can lead to lack of sexual desire. One way to change this is to take turns on who’s night it is to initiate sex and to come up with something new to stimulate your partner. This can take the pressure off the situation and allow both husband and wife to take turns. – Dawn Michael
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