I’m not afraid to admit it: I’m a shy girl. While I’ve definitely gotten better at being more outgoing over the past few years, I still have plenty of times where I feel totally uncomfortable in a crowded room. When I’m around people I’m not comfortable with, I’m probably not going to say much. And if I have to give some sort of presentation? Forget about it.
One area in which I’ve definitely overcome shyness is dating. In high school, I was the worst flirt ever and I went out of my way to avoid my crushes in the hallway (but I would totally talk to them on AIM IM. It was different!). But since then, I’ve learned how to make myself feelcomfortable and confident around the guy I like. I know that a lot of you suffer from feeling super shy around your crush, or around guys in general, and I can totally relate to that. It stinks! But there are some ways you can overcome that shyness.
Are they easy? Hmm, maybe not all that easy. Is it worth it? Yes! Getting over being shy can be tough and sometimes it can take a while. But trust me, it will pay off in the end. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet and reserved, but you’re awesome – your voice deserves to be heard! Being shy can be really negative on your social and dating life, and I want you guys to have some awesome experiences that aren’t painfully awkward for you. So I’m here to give you a few tips on how to overcome shyness around guys. Ready? Check it out:
Ask Yourself Why You're Being Shy
Okay... so why do you feel so shy around this dude? Or dudes in general? Is it because you're worried that they won't like you? Is it because you're not sure how to hold up a conversation? Whatever the reason is, being shy usually comes from some sense of self-consciousness. Once you can figure out exactly what's making you feel so shy, you can start to figure out how to get over it.
Remind Yourself That You're Awesome
I don't care how quiet and shy you are, you're still awesome. You need to remind yourself of that! Confidence is a huge part of dating and getting a guy's attention, so talk yourself up. Write a list of reasons why you rock and read them to yourself on a regular basis. Building your confidence is super important, but it can also be a slow process. For now, fake it... and one day, you won't have to fake it anymore.
Calm Yourself Down
Freaking out over a first date? Worried about talking to your crush in class tomorrow? Before you do approach a guy or go out with him, try some relaxing techniques to calm yourself down. Meditate, listen to your favorite feel-good song or eat some chocolate. Whatever relaxes you works! Just don't sit around and obsess over what you're going to say or what's going to happen... that's only going to make your shyness worse.
Talk About Neutral Topics
Whether you're talking to your crush or a guy in class or on a date, have a set of neutral topics for you two to talk about. By that I mean subjects you feel comfortable discussing. If you're in the same class, talk about the teacher. If you have mutual friends, talk about them (nothing mean!). If you know you guys love the same band, bring them up. You get what I mean. Start with these kinds of things until you feel more comfortable to move on to bigger topics.
Remind Yourself That Guys Get Shy Too
You're not the only one who can feel totally awkward and shy! Guys can be just as nervous as we are, you just might not be able to tell. If you're going on a first date, chances are the dude is also silently freaking out. Reminding yourself that he's nervous too may make you feel a little less freaked out.
Make Sure You Feel Comfortable
No matter where you're going to see your crush, make sure you feel comfortable. Wear an outfit that you know you look good in, put on your favorite lip gloss or just wear your favorite shoes. Whatever makes you feel comfy works. Don't try to be someone you're not and wear something you would never normally wear to impress anyone. That's just going to make you feel even more awkward and uncomfortable... and that's definitely going to make you more shy.
Hang Out With A Group Of Friends
Totally freaked out by a solo hangout sesh with your crush? Take baby steps. Try hanging out with him in a group before venturing off to do something on your own. It would be great if you had your best friends around - they'll make you feel more comfortable and outgoing. In this setting, you can be yourself without having all of the focus be on just you two.
Ask Lots of Questions
Not sure how to get the conversation going? Just ask questions. People generally like to talk about themselves and the guy will be flattered that you're interested. If the convo ever comes to a halt, you can always fall back on another question.
Don't Let Hooking Up Stress You Out
Whether you're feeling worried about kissing, getting naked or just fooling around in general, try not to. Hooking up is supposed to be fun, not something that gives you anxiety. If you're feeling super shy about getting naked in front of a dude, just remind yourself that that dude is probably so thrilled you're there, he doesn't care about, or notice, anything else.
Don't Beat Yourself Up
Don't make yourself feel bad about being shy. Not everyone can be outgoing and loud, and if everyone was, the world would just be really noisy and annoying. It's okay if you're not ready to make the first move or be really aggressive. Sometimes you do need to push yourself, but that doesn't mean you need to put yourself down for being a little more quiet.
Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2013/01/19/overcome-shyness/#ixzz2Ou9JVxXr
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