5 Steps to Make Any Man Fall in Love

I got an e-mail from a reader the other day saying: “All that is great (it was in response to anewsletter article I sent out), but what are the steps to make a man fall in love with me?!”

I had to laugh at the (seemingly) adorable naiveté of her questions. To think making a man fall in love could be reduced to a simple set of instructions!

Later in the day, I started thinking about her question a little more. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that getting a man to fall in love really can be achieved following a few simple steps. And I was instantly able to pinpoint what they are.

Here you go:

Step 1: Attraction
This is the most obvious step…sparking a guy’s interest always starts with attraction. Being attractive to a guy doesn’t necessarily mean looking like a cover girl, it really boils down to being confident with who you are and what you look like.

It’s important to take care of yourself no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in. Make sure you fit exercise into your life– staying in shape has all sorts of benefits, especially when it comes to the way you look and the way you feel.

Find something you love doing- running, zumba, yoga, running, an at-home DVD (our Health Writer swears by Jillian Michaels Killer Buns & Thighs).

There are also a few scientifically proven beauty tricks to get a guy’s interest.

In a nutshell they are:

• Red lips – Many studies have shown that a red lip makes a woman more attractive. This is thought to be because red lips are a sign of fertility
• Lined lids – Using eye-liner or mascara creates a contrast that enhances your feminine sensuality
• Flushed cheeks – Another sign of fertility and youth that makes you instantly more appealing. Try a subtle pale pink blush for a fresh, natural look
• Thick locks – A recent survey showed that hair is the first thing men notice about a woman, even before breasts! Like the others, thick, shiny strands are an indication of good health.

And when it comes to fashion, always make sure you dress to flatter your figure and complement your personal style. If you’re uncomfortable with what you’re wearing, it will come across and this sort of thing is a big turn off.

Step 2: Go with the Flow
So an attraction has ignited you just start hanging out. You text and talk on the phone here and there, but you’re still in that stage where you don’t quite know where this is going. Just go with it!

Don’t analyze, don’t obsess, don’t plot, don’t stress. And don’t consider yourself off the market just because there’s a guy in the picture that you really, really like. Keep your options open, play it cool, and give him the space to come to you. And stop checking your phone every five seconds to see if he texted. Seriously, stop. (Recommended Reading:Why He Keeps You Waiting by the Phone and How to Handle It)

Step 3: Maintain your own life
Things with the guy are getting a little more serious, you’re hanging out more, the connection has deepened. That’s all well and good, but it’s imperative that you keep going about your life in the same way you were before you started dating.

Of course you can carve out some more space for him, but don’t drop everything else you had going on in your life before he entered the picture. Keep going about your life as you usually would, keep hanging out with friends, going to book club, working out, everything you were doing before… keep doing.

The fact that you had a well-rounded life is a big part of why he was drawn to you, so don’t stop being that girl just because you have a guy.

Step 4: When it comes to label time…
Ask yourself, do you want to be with him, or do you just want to be with someone.  At this stage, it’s important to check yourself and make sure that you want the label for the right reasons.

A man wants to feel adored and appreciated for who he is. It is an amazing feeling for a man when a woman he’s into sees who he truly is and wants to be with him.

On the other hand, it is utterly unsettling to a man when the girl he’s seeing just wants a boyfriend and he knows he’s just filling a slot that could easily go to any other male.

A lot of women get so caught up in the fantasy of having a boyfriend that they fail to really see the person they’re dating… all they see is the chance to not die alone. When a guy feels that you appreciate how unique he is and what he himself can contribute to your life, he won’t hesitate to make it official.

If you’re doing it right and he still won’t put a label on it, use your walking power and leave the situation. If he cares for you at all, he won’t let you go.

Step 5: Appreciate, acknowledge and respect him for who he is
Men are absolutely starved for respect and appreciation. At the end of the day, all he really wants is to make you happy and to feel that you see and appreciate him for who he is…that you see the hidden sides of him that no one else gets to see, that you know his inner self and love and appreciate who he is.

You can’t fake your appreciation though, it has to be sincere and genuine. When he does something nice for you, be it something big or small, show him that you noticed and that you appreciate it. The more specific you are with your compliments and acknowledgments, the better.

An ideal woman to a man is a woman who is thoroughly happy with him. If you are genuinely happy with him and with the relationship and are able to  see him and accept him without an angle or agenda, he won’t be able to stop himself from falling hopelessly in love with you.

——-

So there you have it. The steps to make any man fall in love. Just promise me you’ll use this instruction manual wisely, not to make any and every man fall in love.

- SABRINA ALEXIS

10 Scents That Drive Men Wild

Men give us the lowdown on the women's perfumes and fragrances that turn them on.

We as women care deeply about what we look—and smell like. Most of us have a special beauty regime that includes lathering our bodies with delicious smelling body wash and spraying ourselves with our favorite perfumes. 

Luckily, men notice these little efforts and are drawn to specific scents in women. Are you curious as to what types of scents turn men on? Conveniently, we polled ten men and got the scoop on the perfumes and fragrances that make a woman absolutely irresistible. Keep reading to find out.

1. Coconut. "I love when a woman smells like coconut. It just reminds me of the sun, beach and vacation. What can be better than that?" -Mike, 41, Cocoa, Florida 

2. Tommy Girl Lotion and Coco by Coco Chanel. "If I had to pick an actual product, it's a tie between Tommy Girl lotion and Coco by Coco Chanel. The former smells fresh, while the latter smells sexy and a touch dangerous." -Tom, 33, Atlanta, Georgia 

3. Citrus. "I get really aroused when my girlfriend smells like oranges, lemons or grapefruits. It's sexy yet not overpowering." -Chad, 24, Chicago, Illinois

4. Vanilla. "I love when my lady wears her vanilla perfume. It reminds me of cooking and baking and there's nothing sexier to me than a woman who can do both." -Jim, 48, Merritt Island, Florida

5. Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana. "When a woman wears Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana, I just can't keep my hands off of her. It's that clean, just-got-out-of-the-shower smell that drives me wild."-Nate, 29, Cleveland, Ohio 

6. Jardin Sur Le Nil by Hermes. "One whiff of my girlfriend's Jardin Sur Le Nil by Hermes perfume and I've got goosebumps. It's that telling combination of a mouthwatering scent and an irresistible woman. The scent is complex—it's an indescribable mix of woodsy and citrus flavors that instantly transports me to a foreign wilderness—and only makes me melt deeper into her arms." -Andrew, 24, New York, New York 

7. Burberry Brit by Burbery. "I like Burberry Brit by Burberry because it reminds me of my girlfriend. It's nice, light and exotic." -Matthew, 21, Staten Island, New York 

8. Lavender. "My girlfriend uses lavender oil occasionally and I love it! It just makes me feel so relaxed after a long day at work." -Ryan, 26, Chicago, Illinois

9. Chanel No. 5. "I'm attracted to women who wear Chanel No. 5. It's a sophisticated scent that turns me on." -Adam, 28, Brooklyn, New York

10. Cool Water by Davidoff. "I really like when women wear Cool Water by Davidoff. It smells really light and it's not too strong. It can be worn year round and one spray is enough to last a lady the whole day. -Josh, 30, Long Island, New York

10 Things Men Love About Women

Men tell us what they love about women (and it includes our jiggly parts!).

So what do men love about women, really? We asked a handful of men what elicits lust, love and everything in between. What we received was an eclectic mixture of womanly charms—some we knew, some we didn't—that cause even the most rugged of men to utter "I Love You."

1. You're soft and smell good. "I love how women smell. It's this amazing combination of shampoo, perfume, and whatever girly soap, bodywash stuff you guys use in the shower. Women smell amazing. Almost all the time." Nick, 29, marketing assistant

"Women are always so soft. I love their stomachs—not being overly toned is good—and resting my head on their breasts." Andrew, 22, college student

2. You're maternal. "I love how women have these maternal instincts. They're so much more warm and caring then your male friends. Oh, and if you cook for us we'll love you forever." Brian, 32, teacher

3. Bikinis. "Why do men love women? One word: Bikinis! All women just look so good in them, no matter how out of shape or fat you complain about feeling." Mark, 31, waiter 7 Body Parts Men Love—Just The Way They Are

4. You're a good listener. "I'd much rather talk to a female friend when I have a super huge emotional problem to solve. I get the sense they listen more than any of my guy friends and offer so much better insight." Alex, 24, accountant

5. You're good at expressing yourself. "Sometimes you think we don't care because we don't sit there like your girlfriends and chat with you about how happy we are to have met you—but that isn't the case. We have a hard time expressing ourselves! You ladies take it for granted how easily words come to you. I'm jealous." Omar, 35, photographer

6. Spooning. "A woman's body just fits so perfectly into yours at night. Spooning is so underrated." Aaron, 37, school administrator

7. You aren't afraid to cry. "I have to admit—sometimes I'm envious at how women are allowed to show all their emotions whenever they want. Men want to cry, or blame a bad mood on PMS or act like a baby, but we swallow it up and act macho. It's exhausting." Will, 23, administrative assistant

8. Hips. "A woman's body has so much personality! God, just watching a woman walk down the street is so much more interesting than watching a man. It's all in the hips. The bodies are just so much more beautiful."  Jason, 27, writer

9. High heels. "Nothing makes legs look better then a sexy pair of heels. We all love them—even if it does make you a few inches taller than us. Oh, but just remember to bring some flats in your bag for the end of the night. It's annoying to hear you obsessively complain." Frederic, 27, filmmaker

10. You look so good in sweatpants. "We like it when you're dressed to the nines for a night out as much as the next person, but there's something super sexy when you're dressed down with no makeup. Bonus point if you're sweating and in your gym clothes."  Darryl, 40, bartender

7 Sex Positions Men Love

The bedroom moves that men love: try these sex positions tonight.

Want to spice things up in the bedroom? Make his night and drive him crazy with these sex positions that men love. Ultimately, sex is about love and intimacy, so while the positions are part of the fun, the real payoff is the way various maneuvers allow you to connect and explore each other in different ways.

1. Woman on Top: Ask your guy what drives him crazy in the bedroom, and we're betting he'll say it's pleasing you. This sexy position puts you in the driver's seat, and that's exactly where he wants you. Take advantage of being in control and set the pace according to what you like, leaving his hands free to roam. The bonus? He loves having your curves in full view…so flip on the lights and give him a show.

2. Missionary: This standard go-to is a favorite because it puts him in control, while still being intimate: your hips are free to do all the work, and you can lock lips and eyes with ease. And while he's in the power position on top of you, the two of you can set the pace together. If you want him to go slower or deeper, put your hands on his hips and guide him. The best sex is like a conversation, and missionary allows you to communicate with your bodies.

3. Reverse Cowgirl: This reverse variation of the woman on top position is the best of both worlds for your guy. It gives him the sexy view he gets during doggie style but it puts you in control. This position doesn't allow for a ton of touching or eye contact, but it's a nice contrast to some of the more classic, romantic positions. If you're craving a connection flash a look back at him while you're doing your thing—it'll drive both of you over the edge.

4. Doggie Style: This rear entry positions puts him in control, allowing him to call the shots and to go at the speed that's best for him. Plus, it allows for deeper penetration, making him feel like king in the bedroom. Some women love the intense full feeling, but if it feels like too much, let him know. Communication is key to enjoying sex and experiencing the full psychological benefits of physical intimacy.

5. Standing Up: Getting it on while standing up is probably not your go-to move, but it's perfect for that sweaty, gotta-have-you-now sex that'll make him feel irresistible. Whether he's bending you over the new kitchen table or you're steadying yourself against the wall, this spontaneous position is perfect for a quickie.

6. Spooning: Sex while spooning is the ultimate intimate position, and a go-to for when you're feeling lazy and affectionate. Not only does it give him total access to your bod, it also frees your digits up so that you can give yourself a hand, a move that's sure to drive him wild. Make it even hotter by twisting your body and head slightly towards him so you can smooch while his hands roam. Afterward you can slip into an easy, snuggley sleep.

7. The Lap Dance: Pull up a chair and have him take a seat while you get on top. He'll love the look and feel of you straddling him, and having you in control will help him last longer, too. A bonus? Unlike the standard woman-on-top position, this ones allows for you to stay super close, kiss, and make eye contact. Plus, he still gets to be aggressive with his hands, tugging on your hair, rubbing your back, and pulling you closer.

What positions do your guys love?

What A Male Orgasm Feels Like

Ever wondered what a male orgasm is like? Four men tell us ladies what it feels like to get off.

So what does a male orgasm feel like? Do orgasms differ drastically between the sexes? On our search to find out what exactly goes on in a man's head and body during sex, we first examined what we already know:

For starters, the male orgasm is significantly shorter, more intense and can, usually, only be experienced once during a single sex session. Women on the flipside, if properly stimulated, can pop out a series of orgasms with little recovery period. Secondly, the male orgasm unleashes a rush of drowsy hormones—norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nictric oxide and the hormone prolactin—making it next to impossible for men not to feel sleepy after sex. The Hands-Free Orgasm

But what exactly does a male orgasm feel like, we wonder. To find out, we asked a few bonafide, penis-owning individuals if they could put it into words that coveted five seconds of orgasmic bliss. What we found? The question was downright hard. Asking men to explain the male orgasm was akin to having them describe the color orange. Regardless, we managed to cull a few truths.

1. The brain shuts off, and then a moment of clarity arises.

Andrew, a 30-year-old computer programmer said that during sex he's in a trance-like, robotic state. While he's physically there, his mind wanders into deep horny forests, that if asked about, are just as ephemeral and hard to explain as the orgasm itself, but after he comes? "Everything makes sense for a split second. Like I'm seeing things clearly for the first time. That to me is the most powerful thing about orgasm, the moments afterward." The Myth Of The Male Orgasm

2. It's feeling of passing "energy."

Adam a 27-year-old set designer says his orgasms are different depending on whether he's masturbating or having sex. Masturbation for him results in an orgasm out of necessity, but when he comes inside a woman he explains it as almost spiritual. "I feel like I'm passing the core of my soul to someone," he said. When we thought he couldn't be serious, he concluded, "not to be cheesy, but its like sharing your energy with somebody. Being so close to someone during a very vulnerable period."

3. The intensity varies depending on how long he holds out.

Paul, a 23-year-old actor says his most intense and earth shattering climaxes happen after he's reached the edge and held out a few times. "There's a differences between just letting loose when you first feel the urge and challenging yourself to hold out. I'm a million times more exhausted after I've stopped and kept going."

4. Women's are indeed longer—and possibly better.

Wes, a 26-year-old advertising copywriter, reiterates the already known fact that the male orgasm is inherently shorter than a female's. It also doesn't seem to be quite as euphoric. "My girlfriend seems to experience her orgasm in lingering waves. Ours isn't like that. We have a very intense 3-5 second burst, if that, and then our entire body goes numb. It feels good, but I get the feeling hers are better." The Female "Happy Ending" Massage

The Type Of Sex That All Men Love

One-hundred percent of men love when you "get into it" in bed, and other Tokii survey findings.

With Valentine's Day around the corner, we're sure you were pondering life's ultimate question: How does gender affect our desire and need for sex?

Men and women agree: kissing is the best form of foreplay.

All right, perhaps you weren't actively wondering about that particular topic, but the divide between the sex drives of males and females is absolutely worth exploring (as evidenced by the popularity of Sex and the City). Though Carrie B. was fine with musing, "I couldn't help but wonder…" and asking strangely-phrased questions about intimacy, our friends at Tokii were a bit more proactive. They surveyed their users and found some note-worthy results. Grab your notebooks, people, this info may come in handy.

It starts with a smooch. A little bit of lip locking never hurt anyone; in fact, it's helped many a person seal the deal for sex. Fifty-seven percent of men and 48 percent of women say their absolute favorite form of foreplay is a kiss. The best place to smooch for sexual stimulation? It's all about necking it, baby—62 percent of women and 40 percent of men list the neck as their favorite erogenous zone of the body.

All men agree… It's not often you read survey results to see that all men agreed on something. But those surveys must not have been asking about mind-blowing sex. Tokii found that 100 percent of guys believed sex is exceptional when their partner gets "really into it." Fifty-five percent of women said the same. Of course, getting into it can mean different things for different people—perhaps trying a new position, offering some verbal feedback or dabbling in a role-playing game—so it's best to discuss with your Valentine what you're both looking for.

Sex for stress relief? Of course, sex isn't always the result of a carnal need for intercourse. Forty-five percent of women have sex when they're feeling sad or stressed. Interestingly, only five percent of women say they achieve intimacy with a person by connecting sexually. Meanwhile, only 18 percent of men seek sex when they're sad, but 85 percent of men crave it when they're stressed.

10 Ways Men Show Love

Want to know if he's crazy about you? Here are the top ways that men show their love.

It's a cliche for a reason…men aren't always best at showing how they feel, even when they're head over heels. Here, 10 ways that men show you their love

1. He Opens Up
Emotional intimacy isn't easy for anyone, so if he's baring his soul to you, it's not because he likes hearing himself talk…alright, not just because he likes hearing himself talk.

2. He Does the Dirty Work
Taking out the garbage and scrubbing the bathroom floor may not seem romantic, but it can be his way of showing you he cares: by helping you out and trying to make your life easier. He's not ironing your work pants because he likes to; he's doing it because he wants to make you happy.

3. He Asks for Your Help
Whether he wants your input on a blowout with his boss, or asks you to tag along and help him pick out a birthday present for his mom, he's asking for your opinion because he respects you and cares what you think, a sure sign he's smitten.

4. He Loves PDA 
Alright, sometimes you can do without his groping in the cereal aisle at the supermarket, but take it as a compliment that he can't keep his hands off you. He's proud to call you his and to show you off, and sometimes there's no better way to show his appreciation than to give you a little squeeze!

5. He Chooses the Perfect Gift
Don't worry if his gifts are duds, but if he consistently hits it out of the park with his present shopping skills, take it as a compliment: he's not only a good listener, he's also thoughtful…and willing to spend hours searching for exactly the right thing.

6. He Introduces You to His Family
You can bet that as soon as he introduces a girlfriend to his mother, she'll be on his case about grandchildren. So if he's getting the two of you together, he knows what he's getting himself into and that there might be a future with you.

7. He Makes You Part of His Inner Circle
Folding you into his circle is more than just introducing you to his friends. A man who's gaga over you and can see a future will make an effort to make you part of his life. If he's scheduling standing double dates with his coupled friends and inviting you to his weekly drinking night with his friends, he wants you to stick around for a while.

8. He Makes Himself a Part of Your Life
If he's joining you for your boring Sunday morning errands and cuddling up on the couch with you with your and your roomies for Gossip Girl every week, he's in it for the long haul.

9. He Compromises
It's simple: when he loves you, he wants to keep you happy. This doesn't mean always letting you get your way, but it does mean he'll be eager to reach a middle ground with you where you're both happy. Whether it's where you spend the holidays or who gets the remote, he'll show his love by insisting that you call the shots sometimes.

10. He Tells You
Sure, there's a lot to be said for showing, not telling—but if he's telling you how crazy he is about you, listen up!

13 Signs That He’ll Be A Bad Partner

If there’s any deeper message to be extracted from “Love In The Wild,” which premieres tonight 9/8c on NBC, it’s that you don’t want to get stuck in a snake pit with a crap ass partner. Teamwork is key on the dating competition show, in which single men and women pair off into couples and compete for a trip around the world – finding a partner that can be trusted to be loyal is the best chance they have to at achieving victory in the end (and finding love to boot). The same can be said of long-term relationships in the real world. The nice thing about competing in life-threatening challenges is that a person reveals their true colors right away. These things are not quite as easy to discern at a wine bar as they are when bungee jumping off a mountain. But there are clues that you can pay attention to that will let you know if he’s the kind of guy you’d want to go kayaking through the rain forest with … or endure a weekend at his parents’ together. Equally as dangerous! After the jump, some signs that he won’t be a great partner — “Love in the Wild” contestants, take notes!

1. You tell him you’re sick and he doesn’t offer to bring you soup or check up on you the next day to see how you’re feeling. God forbid you really needed serious taking care of, you wouldn’t want to have to rely on him.

2. He forgets stories you tell him about your friends and family. So he either has a listening problem or isn’t invested in learning about the things that are important to you. Either way, Meh.

3. He is hard to reach, always losing his phone, or gets back to you inconsistently. Cross him off the list as your emergency contact.

4. When you’re upset, he doesn’t know how to comfort you and just shuts down. Considering there are going to be countless moments in your life where you’ll need your partner to be there for you emotionally, this is not a positive portend.

5. All the plants in his apartment are dead. As a plant lover, I find this egregious. At the very least, anyone can keep a cactus alive.

6. He never makes any plans for the two of you and just expects you to come up with all the ideas.Eventually this will get old, especially if you have kids together.

7. He gets himself a drink or a bite to eat but doesn’t ask if you want something. A sign that he’s not attuned to your needs. He probably doesn’t notice when you’re cold either.

8. He spells your name wrong. There’s no excuse for this.

9. He doesn’t think about you in big decisions he makes — like where he’s going to move next, or whether or not to get a pet you’re allergic to. Translation, he’s not thinking about you being part of his life in the long term.

10. If you tell him something that is bothering you or ask him to change his behavior, he twists it around to make it seem like it’s your problem. Resolving issues with this person will be like chasing your tail for all eternity.

11. He is irresponsible with money, but refuses to change his ways. This will become a big problem if you’re ever trying to make a large purchase together.

12. He has a treatable problem, such as depression or OCD, but refuses to seek treatment. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be the best person they can be? You don’t even need to answer because I know what you’ll say.

13. He makes condescending comments about women getting fat and haggard when they are older. It will sure be fun to grow old with him!

6 Simple Ways To Say 'Thank You' To Loved Ones

Thanks!

Even small expressions of gratitude can go a long way.

You can express gratitude in small ways each day of your life. Expressing gratitude is a spiritual practice that serves as an instant remedy for the bad habit of taking your spouse or loved ones for granted.

Showing gratitude can make a relationship of twenty years feel like it started last week. So, try these six simple ways of expressing gratitude to your spouse:

1. Random acts of kindness. Bring his favorite food home on random evenings after work or bring her flowers when you make a grocery run when there is no special occasion. These sorts of gifts cost little money (unless your spouse has very expensive taste in food or flowers), but the splash of sunshine at an unexpected time of year makes it an even more special "thank you" in many ways. 

2. Love notes. Leave a little note where you know he/she will see it saying, "Thank you for everything that you do to make our lives better." This costs even less than flowers and only takes a moment, but the very simple nature of the act makes it all the more meaningful. 

3. Questions. Life is so busy, it is important to take time in the evening to ask how your spouse's day was. This shows that you acknowledge his/her effort to help keep your family and relationship healthy.

4. Thanks and hugs. When your spouse does something like helping the kids do homework after already working a full day, try to make him/her feel appreciated immediately by thanking him/her either verbally or with a hug. Tell him/her that he/she is amazing with the kids.

5. Chores. You can do one of the chores that your spouse always does to show that you notice the job he/she does every day. It will remind him/her that he/she is not slaving away unnoticed by you. Sometimes, doing the same routine chores day in and day out without any recognition can build resentment. Gratitude diffuses resentment before it has a chance to develop.

LOVE NEST EGG = HAPPINESS

You love your guy, you really do, but boy, can he be a pain! You ask him to help with one simple thing, and it’s “No! Can’t you see I’m busy? Not now!” He’s ornery. Difficult. Stubborn. Irritating. You can feel yourself getting worked up as you stare at the man, wondering what you ever saw in him. Ever. Now you’re getting even more pissed and self-righteous.

I mean, all you asked was could he please watch the baby for a minute while you took a shower.

When you finally get to the shower, you're even more incensed. How dare he! You do 90% of the housework, chores, taking-care-of-the-kids, plus go to work, and hardly ever ask him for anything! By the time you get out of the shower, you're glowering. You yank the baby from him, lips tightly pursed, and announce "I'm going to my mother's!"

He's all "What did I do now?!" And you're thinking "If he can't figure it out, I'm not telling him!"

Crying on your mom's shoulder might comfort you for a while, but it makes more sense to figure out how not to get all wrought up in the first place.

THE LOVE NEST EGG

You need a nest egg. Not the money kind (although that is a good idea) but the love kind. You know, something you can draw from when he's being cranky or lazy or irritating, not fit-to-live-with, and you need it now.

A love nest egg is a list you compile of all the ways in which your sweetheart is wonderful. It's a list you add on to whenever he's being his sweet self, his considerate self, his dreamy I-love-him-so self. A love nest egg is something you keep carefully stashed in your underwear drawer and stare at to remind yourself of the 90% of the time (OK, 82%) that he's a good guy, the one that makes you laugh and the one with whom you fell deeply in love. (Not to mention the one you so enjoyed making that baby with.)

Uh-huh. See? You're smiling already.

So take some time to build that love nest egg and refer to it when you're going through tough times. A caring and understanding relationship will surely flourish because of your efforts.

5 Signs He Is the Right One For You

Wish as we might-and despite what romantic comedies would have you believe-there is no magic answer to finding the perfect mate. Discovering if someone is the right one for you usually takes some time. Although we may wish to act solely on instinct-which can be helpful in determining if he is the right one-it is important to give it time before reaching that final decision.

While there is no set-in-stone policy for finding love, there are 5 signs you can use to determine if he is the one.

Sign #1 He Is the Right One - You Respect One Another

When it comes to figuring out if he is the right one, respect should be at the top of the list. Respect is also something that should go both ways. He should respect you and you should respect him, in turn.

You can tell he respects you when:

• He is willing to compromise
• He listens to your concerns and feelings
• He notices when something is wrong and asks you about it
• He values your opinion
• He appreciates you
• He is genuinely happy for you when you succeed

All of these are signs that he has respect for you. You should also demonstrate these same things to him. On the other hand, if you find that either of you are unwilling to compromise, concerns and feelings are dismissed, or you notice something is wrong but don't inquire, then you have some tell-tale signs that there is a lack of respect.

If either of you flippantly dismisses the other's opinions or act as if they are inconsequential, there is clearly a lack of respect. If you greet one another's successes with jealousy instead of enthusiasm and support, you need to take a minute to assess the level of respect that exists in your relationship.

Sign #2 He Is the Right One - He Has the Qualities You're Looking For

Ideally, you should know ahead of time what qualities are important to you in a mate. Trying to figure it out after the fact can lead to serious problems. If you have a good idea of the qualities you are looking for-the ones that are the most important-it will help you determine if he is the right one.

It helps to write a list. Select at least 10 qualities you are looking for in a man. Put that list in the order of importance. Take a serious look at the list and cross off any qualities that aren't so important. Some qualities are probably negotiable. If that is the case, they can likely be removed from the list. The idea is to get down to at least the top 5 non-negotiable qualities that you are looking for.

All of this must be done by keeping 2 important things in your mind. First, no one is perfect. If you are looking for Mr. Perfect, you might as well stop looking and recognize that perfection simply doesn't exist. With that in mind, know that you don't have to just "settle" for "good enough." You want to have the confidence of knowing that he is not someone you have simply settled for but he is the right one for you. The list of qualities you are looking for will help determine that.

Compare your list of top 5 non-negotiable traits and compare it to the man in question. Remember, these were non-negotiable qualities that you selected, so if he doesn't fit all of them, there is a good chance that he is not the right one for you. It's surprisingly easy to fall into the trap of trying to change your standards, but you should never change your standards to fit someone else. You can't make someone be who they aren't.

If he meets every one of your non-negotiable qualities, chances are good that he may be the right one for you.

Sign #3 He Is the Right One - You Share the Same Values

What do you value most? What values make up the life you have chosen to live? These are important questions to ask yourself, as they will help determine if he is the right one for you. Values are usually in-line with those non-negotiable items that will give you a clue as to whether or not he is the right one. If you don't share the same values, consider that to be a red flag.

An important factor to consider is if you find yourself compromising your values for him. Values really make up who we are. If you are changing your values in order to please someone else, then you are essentially trying to change yourself and that is never a good sign in a relationship!

Values are something that should be discussed ahead of time. Don't guess at what he values most in life, ask him! If he doesn't seem to have any values, or he can't articulate them, that might be another red flag to look for. A man of real substance is flexible, but will possess firm, well-reasoned values.

Sign #4 He Is the Right One - Your Intuition Tells You

Your intuition-your gut-should never be ignored. At the same time, it should never be THE deciding factor. Your intuition should serve as a guide, something you rely on when considering whether or not he is the right one.

Intuition is more than just how physically attracted you are towards him. It goes beyond that to a place deep inside where you just seem to "know." It's usually just a sense or a feeling that this person is the right one.

Whether your instincts are saying he is or isn't the one, it's an important consideration. Many times our instincts are right. Of course, our best instincts can be wrong and someone can present themselves to be something that they are not. This is why intuition is only one sign to consider in determining if he is the right one for you.

Sign #5 He Is the Right One - You Can Be Yourself With Him

You will not be appreciated or valued by a man who tries to change you or who cannot love you, flaws and all. So if you can be who you are when you are with him, he might just be the right one for you. This means he not only accepts the good in you, but also your weaknesses and faults. When you can be yourself, you will experience a sense of freedom. You will have confidence in knowing that he accepts you just as you are.

When taking these 5 signs into consideration, you will have a good idea if he is actually the right guy for you.

What is your body language communicating?

Relationship cues

WHAT YOUR BODY SAYS

The way you talk, listen, look, hug, make love, move and react all speak volumes about the state of your emotions and what your body really wants to say. What silent signals are you sending?

Often it's the things you don't say that speak louder than what you do say. Most communication that we send and receive is wordlessly spoken through our facial expressions, body positioning, pace, intensity and tone of voice. Sometimes, your body language is quite obvious and conscious, such as when you scowl and/or give the finger to the driver who just cut you off and almost caused an accident.

"Knowing and dealing with your underlying emotions before speaking and reacting will help you avert miscommunication."

But then there are those times when you think you're giving your partner the glowing reassurance he needs and what you get back is "so you don't really like it." Huh? Or when you sincerely say "I want us to be closer" and he says "don't look at me like that!" Like what? What your body language is conveying makes the difference between being heard, known and received or discounted, ignored and disbelieved.

Body language cues

When you improve your own body language awareness, your ability to effectively communicate, hear and be heard and get what you want will multiply tenfold.

Use this 60 second body language check-in to tune in and make sure your verbal and nonverbal signals are in sync:

My body is…

1. Stiff, clenched, crossed, tight-fisted
2. Swaying, rocking, fidgeting
3. Fatigued, sleepy, droopy
4. Comfortable and alert. Shoulders and back are relaxed. Body is open, uncrossed, slightly leaning forward.

My facial expression is...

1. Angry and annoyed
2. Tense and nervous
3. Bored and disinterested
4. Emotionally present, calm, friendly and interested

My eye contact is…

1. Intense and aggressive
2. Anxious and shifting
3. Unfocused, unresponsive, looking away
4. Focused and calm

My breathing is…

1. Shallow and rapid
2. Stressed and nervous
3. Labored and difficult
4. Deep, slow, full and relaxed

My tone is…

1. Tight, forced or restricted
2. Whining, sulking or shrill
3. Angry, demanding or frustrated
4. Loving, positive, confident and friendly

My reaction is…

1. Too fast: I'm defensive and argumentative.
2. Too slow: My attention is drifting in and out.
3. Deflective: I'm turning away, blaming, not listening.
4. Responsive and inquisitive: I'm emotionally available, listening, interested, wanting to understand.

Obviously, number four is the ideal state you want to be in.

Here's a little secret: The messages your body sends are usually aligned with your emotions. You can begin to make your body and words more congruent by first asking yourself "what is my emotional state right now?" The minute you feel your shoulders tense, jaw tighten or fists clench, it's time to do an emotional check-in.

And don’t forget to watch your breathing! Breathing deep and comfortably naturally influences your mood and thoughts, how your brain and body function and how sensitive your nerves are. Taking a few deep breaths can give you the pause you need to emotionally check in and purposely coordinate your body language with what your mouth (and heart) wants to say.

Knowing and dealing with your underlying emotions before speaking and reacting will help you avert miscommunication, match your body language with your words and deliver a cohesive, congruent message that says what you mean and means what you say.

Watch: 55 Seconds to better body language

Dr. Sheri Meyers shows you how good body language can open the door to better communication.

Is it time to end your relationship?

5 TELLTALE SIGNS

As that crystal globe cascaded down in Times Square not long ago, did you find yourself dogged by the nagging feeling that something was fatally wrong with your relationship? Like maybe 2013 would be the year it draws its last breath? The New Year customarily leads us to focus more on our goals and dreams and the ways we are not achieving them.

Circumstances that are not meeting our needs, especially intimate relationships, seem to beg that much more loudly for resolution — especially if you’ve invested a lot of time and emotional energy in your marriage or romantic partnership. However, it can be hard to know when to pull the plug. The tendency to hang on too long was a personal foible of my own for many years. Here are five obvious signs it’s either time to call it quits or begin working like hell to regroup and rebuild.

You’ve stopped trying to make things better

The research has shown that it’s not the number of arguments, but the result of efforts we make to redirect or buffer those conflicts, which clearly identifies those people headed for divorce. Spouses who say or do something to de-escalate an argument or salve their partner’s wounds are significantly more likely to make it for the long haul, and the same principle applies for any romantic relationship.
A few examples of “repair attempts” are using self-deprecating humor to assume responsibility for thoughtless or hurtful behavior (e.g., “there I go being an idiot again!”) to grabbing his/her hand as a discussion is getting increasingly heated. When your wife or girlfriend gives you a "whatever" look in response, she is tacitly rejecting your efforts to improve the situation. And when both of you routinely jump headlong into an escalating battle without either partner making this kind of reparative effort, that’s a clear sign the end is near.

You’re living separate lives

You’ve stopped caring about each other’s daily lives, and you no longer share much more than the most mundane of objectives. For those married with kids, most of the conversation now revolves around childcare, homework and what you need from the grocery store. You’ve largely stopped checking in with each other except in a polite way to see how your days are going and if anything special is happening.
You no longer feel a strong desire to spend time together as a couple. You may even have lost the desire to spend time together as a family. There can be a fair amount of silent time when you are together, which feels more like mere coexistence.

Your emotional support lies elsewhere

Your husband or boyfriend is no longer the person you go to first with an issue that warrants discussion. While women frequently have a best friend they may seek out even before their husband or boyfriend, it’s definitely a problem if you’re not consulting him at all when you need to vent or find a solution. The drive to share positives and celebrate success with him is likewise another important sign of relationship health. When that begins to fade, it is a significant sign that you don’t consider him central to your support system and things are on their way out.

Sex life at a standstill

When your sense of closeness has undergone considerable deterioration, it is very unusual for there to be a lot of sex either. Physical intimacy generally follows the emotional. This can consist of both people being so alienated from each other that no one initiates sex, neither person has much desire, or one partner continues to seek out the other but gets rebuffed much of the time.
In this latter scenario, the chronically rebuffed partner will eventually give up or simply feel resentful and frustrated much of the time. If you’re married or have lived together a long time, you may find yourself sleeping in separate bedrooms. Of course, any of these circumstances can become fertile ground for infidelity to occur.

You dream about your ideal relationship

And how it differs from the one you are in. You find it gives you some relief and hope to be thinking about what you want in the future. You look at other couples and fantasize about how they have a great relationship. Perhaps being around couples you perceive as happier and closer than you makes you feel a little uncomfortable. You may even fantasize about past relationships, particularly if your partner was the one to initiate a breakup that you did not want. You may have a lot of thoughts of self-blame or blame your current partner for the current state of affairs.
In my experience, an intimate relationship can be revived even from the kind of deterioration portrayed in these scenarios. But both partners have to want it — and badly. Badly enough to stretch way outside their comfort zones and repair the deep rift of alienation that has occurred. And both must have a level of psychological health and self-awareness, which will allow them to look at themselves honestly, and respond to their partners with openness, compassion and forgiveness. It is a courageous decision to hang in and an equally courageous one to opt out and move on. In either case, use it as a springboard to become crystal clear about what you want in a relationship and for a more authentic connection with yourself and your own life.