Common Myths Men Believe About Women

In the infamous words of George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
We all believe half-truths to make sense of the nonsensical to some degree. When it comes to solving mysteries of the opposite sex, one could argue reconciliation by half-truths is better than nothing at all.
In an attempt to understand the complexities of women, men have developed a series of convenient female ”truths”. Follow me as I attempt to set the record straight after the jump!

Women fantasize about other women

Men, you fantasize about women fantasizing about other women. When in fact, we fantasize about Ryan Gosling or Christian Grey...or Ryan Gosling as Christian Grey. 

Girls' nights involve sexy pillow fights

Sexy pillow fights have never once existed outside of a Katy Perry video. Check out these 5 Hilariously Sexy Things Men Think Women Do on Girls' Night. 

You're the best she's ever had in the sack

You just might be...but then again you might not be. What is she going to do, tell you she's had better? C'mon. 

Women are desperate to get married

Relax Romeo, women aren't racing to the altar. The National Center for Health Statistics found 40% of women have never been married, with even fewer in their first marriage. So relax, enjoy, and think about putting a ring on it when the time is right.

Women feel indifferent toward sex

We're not. In fact, when we're not tired/PMSing/too cold/bloated/stressed/craving chocolate, we're so totally hot for you. 

Murder is contagious

Snapped is a true crime television show about women who "snap" and commit murder. While we women love it, men without exception fear the crazy is contagious. It's not...or is it? Bwahahahaha! 

Women want lots of babies

Do you honestly think we want babies so dang bad we don't even care what you want (or don't want)? Or worse yet, that we'll resort to all kinds of female voodoo to trap you into child support forever? I'm not saying this never happens but it's the exception, not the rule. Let's chalk female trickery up to a few bad apples. 

Women want your money

What we want is your ability to support yourself. We're happy to give you sugar, but we ain't your Sugar Mama. 

Women go to the bathroom in groups to talk about you

We go to the bathroom in groups because the line is so damn long that we need people to talk to whilst hating on ourselves in fluorescent lighting. 

Women hang out naked, or at least in sexy lingerie

Most women I know go from naked to fully clothed in 1.7 seconds. We do like sexy lingerie, UNDER OUR CLOTHES.  

Women likey-wikey baby talk

Except we don't. Like ever. Baby talk is never sexy, because babies aren't sexy. Call us an endearing nickname if you must, but say it like a man, dammit! 

Women don't go for the nice guys

We love nice guys; nice guys with backbones. 

Women don't need you

In a fit of anger we might scream (rather convincingly) that we don't need you. The truth is we do need you...until you piss us off again and we don't. 

Women like to be called/texted all the time

Beef up that cell plan, we want you to call and/or text in 15 minute intervals throughout the day. Bonus love points for cutesy emoticons. Not. Call when you have something to say. Check in periodically when you miss us. Send a sweet text if you want to. Otherwise leave us alone; we're busy! 

Pretty girls don't poop

We know you know pretty girls poop. We also know you don't want to know, but you know what's grosser than a pretty girl pooping? A pretty girl not pooping. 

Women have grand romantic expectations

We don't need big, embarrassing public displays of adoration. It's all about listening to the little things and showing you care. Do it because you want to and we'll do you because we want to. 

Women possess the crazy gene

We all have the capacity for a little cray cray when pushed to the brink (especially via nasty breakup). Lady-crazy doesn't mean we'll boil your bunny or key your ride, but we might stalk your Facebook and rebound with Ben & Jerry. And by "might" I mean definitely.