Why Am I Still Thinking About My Ex?

One of the hardest stages in the relationship cycle is the moving on phase. A lot of us may have asked the question, “Why am I thinking about my ex?” either to ourselves or to someone we trust. We may have all gone through nights when we couldn’t sleep because thoughts about the ex just wouldn’t stop. That’s just normal. I’ve actually come up with reasons why I thought about my ex even after the break up.

1. No Closure

Although not all break ups go well, there are those who weren’t even officially declared. What happens when there’s no closure is that one of the parties wouldn’t stop thinking about the partner who left him or her. Regardless of gender, the one that gets left behind without knowing the reason why will be tormented mentally.

2. Guilt

Another reason why I kept on thinking about my ex was because of guilt. Although I hadn’t done anything really bad during the relationship, I felt guilty about how my ex took the separation. It’s just a burden somehow to know that someone’s life got messed up because of a break up.

3. Regret

Then there are those should-haves and could-haves. I thought about my ex at times because I felt like the relationship could have gone further had I done this or that. And, of course, there were also things that I realized were important enough to save what we had but none of us did anyway.

4. You want the ex back.

Last but not least, I realized after a bad break up that I was thinking about my ex because I wanted him back. Most people may have felt this way as well and the thing is, it got really harder everyday. I, myself have gone through pits of agony because even if I knew that the relationship wouldn’t work out anyway, I still felt like I wanted my ex back.

So I recalled some of the things I did that helped me move on.

1. Acceptance

Some people say that thinking about past relationships or past lovers is like pining for the old love. So the first step to moving on is to accept what happened. Letting go of the ex means we should let the separation sink into our minds. There will be no use thinking of, “If only I was…”, “If only my ex was…”, etc. In other words, get rid of the regrets.

2. Reach out to people who are still in your life

Although at some point, your ex became your life, don’t forget that you still have your own family and your friends who are still there to support you and love you. It will also be selfish to think about who you have lost when you still have a lot of people waiting to be loved by you. Going out with friends and setting time for your family will eventually help you forget about the ex.

3. Focus on Self Improvement

When I had that break up, I was depressed. While I was thinking about my ex, I was on the other hand, forgetting all about my job and myself. The lesson here is that, even if that someone leaves you, you still have the responsibility to go on with your life. So instead of sulking and grieving, I learned to displace that energy on my work and on taking care of myself.