Does The Man You Want Exist?

After years of helping women create fulfilling, lasting relationships with men, I’ve discovered something interesting that could be very helpful for you: One of the main reasons a woman will have difficulty sustaining a relationship with a man is that she starts off without really knowing what it’s like for a man…to be a man!  Let me explain…

THE EMOTIONAL BUT IMPERMEABLE MAN

Read these two statements carefully, and think about them for a little bit:

He’s a solid rock for you to lean on, but he’s also sensitive and can cry. He’s able to fully express his feelings with you, but he won’t let emotions cloud his judgment.

Sounds like a dream guy, right? But do you see the paradox in both of these statements above? I hope so. Because expecting that a man meet that kind of criteria is exactly what can lead to disappointment for you. A man – a real man – doesn’t come packaged like that. Yet that’s what men are often up against: The expectation that we be capable of BOTH fully accessing our feelings AND fully able to deny our feelings in order to be what society might deem “manly.” This is what I call the “Emotional But Impermeable Man.” And he doesn’t exist – at least not in real life.

WHAT YOU NEED…AND WHAT HE CAN DELIVER

With lots of men, they’ve been taught or “conditioned” that consistent, emotional, and intense displays of interaction are actually a sign of weakness…even though this couldn’t be further from the truth.

While women, on the other hand, seem to have a natural understanding of the beauty and the power of emotional connection…and they are often valued and encouraged for their “emotional intelligence” and ability to relate, share, and understand.

What does this mean? That’s right: An inevitable disconnect between what’s real and what a man can actually deliver…and a breeding ground for all sorts of dating disappointment if you don’t understand and ACCEPT what a man is and isn’t truly capable of in relationship.

GETTING REAL…AND RECEIVING LOVE

Does this mean you should shortchange yourself and what you really want in a relationship? No, it means that you just need to shift your thinking a little so you can create a dream relationship…together.  Just understanding that it’s virtually impossible for one human being to be BOTH impermeable and emotional will go a long way for you – a man will automatically feel more at ease with you, and you’ll in turn motivate him to be a better partner for you. Understand that he might be a sensitive type, but that means you might need to be the more levelheaded one during stressful moments. Or the opposite: If he’s a take-charge kind of guy, he might have a harder time expressing his feelings. 

Does this mean you’re settling? No, it means you’re being real. And because of that, you’ll have a much easier time of attracting and keeping a connected, lasting, REAL relationship – one you both feel fulfilled and happy with.

Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You?

In your efforts to let a man know you’re interested in him, you might actually be blocking his ability to get close to you.  Find out why, and what you can do instead so that he naturally feels the urge to move the relationship forward. 

Sometimes, we want so much to let a man we know we like him – and make sure he doesn’t slip away – that we act in ways that actually PREVENT him from getting closer to us.  And we’re not even aware that we’re doing it. Think about the last time you went on a first date.  Were you so eager to make a connection that you armed yourself with a bunch of conversation starters, jumped in whenever there was a tiny bit of silence, or generally tried to keep the ball rolling with him? How about when you are starting to see a particular man more often?  Are you the one suggesting another date, calling him, and generally trying to keep things moving forward? 

What about when things start getting a bit more serious?  Do you spend all your time thinking about him and ask him where things are going?

WHAT MAKES A MAN PURSUE

In order for a man to feel attracted to you and to pursue you, he has to feel “a pull” towards you.  There needs to be some tension and the actual space for him to move forward into that space.  This is what we think of as “the chase.”  And men enjoy the chase.  It makes them feel as if they are consciously choosing you and winning something they worked for. Unfortunately, what often ends up happening is that we like a man so much – and want to make sure he knows we’re interested – that we inadvertently push into him rather than create the space where he feels pulled toward us. 

TAKING A STEP BACK SO HE STEPS FORWARD

To create that all-important space, you’ll need to shift from a mindset of “doing” to one of simply “being.”  You’re going to go against your usual impulse to make something happen with a man and instead allow things to unfold – which will naturally shift him into the doing role. When you’re on a date, if you can allow yourself to simply “be” and resist the urge to take charge – even if it means dealing with some awkward lulls in the conversation – a man will actually feel more comfortable in your presence and will naturally feel compelled to come closer to you.

As things progress, the only thing you need to do to encourage a man to keep moving things forward is to show him how much you enjoy being with him.  That means that you’re fully present with him – fun, affectionate, and appreciative of him.  When a man feels like he’s making you feel good, he will feel good himself.  And it will keep him coming closer and closer.

BUT WHAT IF HE THINKS I’M NOT INTERESTED?!

Surely if you don’t call him, initiate plans with him, or give him little gifts to show a man how much you like him, he’ll think you’re not interested, right?  Absolutely not.  A man who is attracted to you and wants to see you will not drop the ball simply because you’re not always available to him or showering him with attention.

Taking a step back from a man and re-directing energy and time back to you ALWAYS brings the right man closer.  Remember, a man can’t fall for you if there’s no space for him to sink into.  Create that space by taking a step back in your conversations, your relationship, and your “need to know” where things are going – and watch him leap forward to claim you as his one and only.

5 Things Every Woman Wants to Hear

As women, there are certain things we enjoy hearing. “Have you lost weight?” ranks up there pretty high while the fear of hearing “When are you due?” from a total stranger makes even the fittest females put down the baby doll dress and run for cover. But when it comes to love and relationships, there are a few key phrases that melt our hearts almost every time. What follows are five of the most amazing things a woman wants to hear from the man she’s seriously smitten with. See which ones make your own top five list.

1. “I Love You.”

Even the savviest single melts at the thought of hearing her man utter those three little words. You imagine where the two of you will be and what you’ll be doing at the magical moment. And while it’s all the more likely that your guy will say those magic words for the first time at a less than perfectly romantic moment (when you’re puking your guts out thanks to a nasty stomach flu while he holds your hair, or when you’ve just completed a 10K run with your hottie and you’re a sweaty, heaving mess, etc.), the experience will bring on those butterflies nonetheless.

Your knees may even get a little weak (especially if it’s after the 10K!). And while the first time a guy says it will rock your world, when you’ve found the real love deal, it’s more than likely that the 100th time he says it will make you just as dizzy. Now that’s something to look forward to!

2. “You’re Right.”

Be honest. Who doesn’t love hearing those two little words? When the guy you’re seeing can cop to the fact that you may know more than he does about a particular subject, do you get this buzz of adrenaline that’s almost as juicy as feeling in love? While it’s perfectly natural to dig being right, it’s not so smart to always have to be right. In fact, if you’re the type of woman who insists on being right all the time, your alpha tendencies may cause conflict between you and your perfect partner down the road.

Instead of always needing to be right, why not strive for always being happy? That means letting your partner win a debate now and then. It also means letting your guy take the driver’s seat, steering the relationship at least part of the time. It also means sometimes sucking it up, smiling at your partner, and saying, “You’re right.” Not only will it not kill you to say it, but it will most likely make your partner a wee bit happier for having heard you say it. Talk about a win-win!

3. “You’re Perfect for Me.”

As a savvy single, having a positive self image is essential. However, with the constant media focus on attaining skinny, gorgeous, perfect looks, it’s all too easy to fall prey to insecurities and uncertainty. But by channeling the very best version of yourself, warts and all when dating, you’re all the more likely to find, attract, and keep the right partner for you. Plus, by celebrating your fabulous quirky self, you greatly increase the likelihood of hearing those four fab words from a super cool catch: “You’re perfect for me.” Love that!

4. “I Do”

You don’t have to be marriage-minded since birth to appreciate the significance of these two little words. However, if you’ve been dreaming of the day your perfect partner says these words aloud to you, know that you’re not alone. Exchanging vows with the man you love is a major milestone in a woman’s life.

If it’s something you aspire to experience, that’s fantastic! Just be sure that on the road to happily ever after, you keep your focus on creating a future with your perfect partner, rather than get caught up in who’s wearing what, how many guests will attend, and what the flowers look like. Those details will fade in importance while choosing the right person to spend your life with will always hold significance.

5. “You’re Hired.”

While it’s not dating conversation, these two little words are music to an independent woman’s ears nonetheless. After all, on the journey towards happily ever after, boyfriends come and go. But career is an ever-evolving adventure. By staying motivated, working hard, and always putting your best foot forward, you pave the way for ongoing career success. And when you see a job you want? You’ll be confident enough to passionately pursue it. Up next? Hearing those two little words, a.k.a. “You’re hired.” When you do, you’ll know what a rock star you really are!

So there you have it — five of the most amazing things a woman hopes to hear in her life. How many of them make your top five list? How many of them have you already heard? And how many do you aspire to hear in 2009? Give yourself permission to dream big this year. You never know when you’ll hear those magic words you’ve been dreaming of.

Who is Your "Type"?

Ask someone who their “type” is and you’ll get responses ranging from an itemized shopping list full of physical, behavioral, cultural and occupational details to a laissez-faire, carpe-diem approach of “whoever shows up in my life.” When it comes to relationship longevity and happiness, however, the best “type” for anyone, regardless of age, race, gender or creed, is one who shares compatible core values that are rooted in the deepest levels of personality.

But what does “Compatible” mean?
The word “compatible” is thrown around a lot these days in everything from computer programs to finding true love. Indeed, without compatibility in our lives, things just don’t work as well as they could—including romantic relationships. Simply put, being compatible with a partner means that you share enough core traits, core values and relationship skills. Not having enough of these shared aspects is a strong indication that there will be problems down the road, no matter how much physical attraction and chemistry exists in the beginning and throughout the relationship.  

Chemistry and compatibility
In the beginning of any romance—whether compatible or not—the sweet scent of love and lust hangs in the air like the most intoxicating perfume. The object of your desire floats in and out of your thoughts and brings a smile to your face and hopes into your heart of what’s to come. And that’s what makes love great and keeps us coming back for more—the promise of what’s to come. It is this kind of love that is idealized in TV and movies, and books and songs—the kind that starts fast and lasts forever; or so it seems. Yet in the initial stages of getting to know someone without the benefit of being matched for compatibility in advance, the attraction is based largely on five traits only: appearance, chemistry, front-end personality (chatter), status and sense of humor. In the long run, with no other shared compatibilities, the relationship will one day come to a halt just as fast as it began. So stop buying into generalizations like “all men are like this . . . ” and “all women are like this . . .” and stop punishing yourself with those self-deprecating books like He’s Just Not That Into You, and educate yourself on what makes for good compatibility so you’ll know when it’s there—and when it’s not—up front.

What does compatibility look like?
In truly compatible relationships, love deepens further between partners through cycles of self-discovery and then rediscovery of each other. Over and over again, they fall in love in slightly different ways, reaffirming their shared commitment toward the relationship they share. Despite beginning in the same euphoric way as compatible relationships, incompatible relationships by contrast have a much different outcome as time marches on. Instead of falling in love more deeply over time with one another, each partner falls into emotionally separating periods of resentment that mount until the pain and frustration of tolerating the other’s idiosyncrasies outweighs the desire to keep the relationship going.

When things go from bad to worse in a relationship over and over again, the desire to see what’s to come can be a scary prospect! The oh-so-good feelings during the “honeymoon period” will have less than happy endings several months—even weeks—later, depending on the motivations and compatibilities that both partners share. So whether on a first pass you prefer the strong brunette or the gentle blonde, the intellectual or the artist, or the fashonista vs. the girl or boy next door, one thing’s for certain: if you’re looking for a long-term, satisfying relationship that spans beyond the usual six to eight months of honeymoon period, you’re going to need shared core traits and values, as well as similar relationship skills like communication and conflict management styles. That’s why chemistry alone is not enough to keep the spark going past the 6- to 8-month mark.

Compatibility is the difference between a relationship that starts and lasts, deepening as it goes and redefining your view on love, and a relationship that starts and fails, ending in bitter disappointment and varying degrees of emotional distress. A few rounds of those kind of relationships and it’s no wonder hope about finding someone who really fits you and you fit them starts to diminish. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

How can I tell who my type is?
Knowing how to spot your type is a two-part process. First, you must know your own traits, values and relationship skills that you bring to the table—good ones and areas where you could possibly improve. Then from there you’ll be able to recognize the traits in others that go well with yours, and that’s when the magic really starts to happen. You’ll start getting to know people and experiencing the great euphoria of love’s beginning, but it will keep getting better and better. It’s okay to have some dissimilarity between you and a love interest, so long as these

differences are not one of the core values, traits or relationship skills that are so vital to relationship longevity and happiness. At first opposites may attract, but over time those necessities initially overlooked become real problems later on in the relationship. It’s not a big deal if your partner likes country, and you are more into rock n’ roll, or if your partner likes reality TV and you like watching sports. It would matter more, however, if you approach most things with spontaneity and your partner is a “planner,” or if you are more of a socialite and your partner is a homebody.

The next time you find yourself making excuses for incompatibilities for the sake of new-romance euphoria, gently remind yourself that avoidance now will lead to stress later—and who needs that? Remember that who’s around you at the moment isn’t the only thing available to you. Compatible love is everywhere, if you know how to look.

The Compatible Seven
Commit these Compatible Seven to memory and keep them in mind when getting to know someone, both online and during the first few dates you go on. They can also be used to review shared compatibilities in existing relationships.

• Spiritual harmony—for some shared religious affiliation is an absolute must. For others, affiliation is not as important as a shared level of spirituality. Find out where you are, and make sure you’re on the same relative level.
• Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate—men may be from Mars and women from Venus when it comes to communication, but even so there is a general level of verbal intimacy skills that must be shared. The ability to be honest about thoughts and feelings is a great indicator.
• Energy level—if you enjoy more low-key activities but a potential partner is all about extreme outdoor sports, you may want to rethink getting together with them in a serious way. As exciting as people who are different from us appear, remember the tried-and-true axiom: Opposites attract, then attack.
• Ambition level—if you want to take over the world and all its earthly spoils but your date wants to save the world from people like you, heed caution.
• Role expectations—if a female desires to one day be a traditional, stay-at-home mom, but her potential partner believes that women should be more independent, Houston, we have a problem.
• Interests—while some dissimilarity in interests is okay and even educational for both partners, it’s how much investment a partner has in them that will tell you whether you’ll be able to enjoy sharing that time with them. It’s not enough to “put up with” many dissimilar interests—it’s your time, too, so make sure you can enjoy them as well, and likewise, they can and are willing to enjoy yours as well.
• Personal habits—good hygiene is pretty much essential across the board, but other personal habits like drinking, eating and acceptable levels of order and cleanliness are details that seem able to be overlooked at first, but can be real sources of aggravation later. Try to be on the same page as much as possible.

Putting it all together
Since attraction alone is not enough to overcome core incompatibilities that lead to relationship stress and difficulties, the sooner you discover your own core values, traits and relationship skills, the sooner you’ll be able to recognize them in someone else who is compatible with you. Instead of dating whomever shows up in your life—or not dating at all—you’ll be able to experience the kind of happy relationship that you may have always dreamed about or have recently realized that your life is missing.

Happy relationships teach us about ourselves and others, and the world around us, while the consequences of unhappy relationships are frustration, annoyance and pain. People fall in love with the complete package—it is the sum of compatibility and shared inner core values plus attraction and chemistry that makes for a successful long-term union. The more similarities you share with a potential partner, the less need there will be to negotiate differences. The choice is yours. Happy searching!

Extreme Makeover: The Dating Edition

Your romantic life is like a house—it needs careful maintenance if you want it to last and serve you well. Sometimes all that’s required is a little soap and polish to put a shine back in your search for lasting love. Yet it’s also possible that after years of neglect, or a poor design to begin with, a full-blown renovation will be necessary. If you suspect you fall into the latter category, fear not! Here is a four-step guide for getting the job done:      

1. Inspection. People whose house needs remodeling commonly convince themselves that problems they can’t see don’t actually exist. Consequently, they find any excuse to avoid the basement where water is seeping through the foundation, or the attic where squirrels have been carrying out renovations of their own. They believe that ignorance is a key component of blissful denial.  So step one is to take stock of where you stand. This means grabbing a clipboard and examining yourself with brutal honesty. List all your sagging floors, leaking faucets, and peeling paint. Where do you feel worn out and in need of improvement? Eating habits? Lack of exercise? The people you hang out with? The way you spend money? You’ll know when an area of your life is out of balance by how it makes you feel to examine it closely. The reason for turning this uncomfortable spotlight on yourself is simple: You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge as a problem.      

2. Design. Thankfully, the next phase of renovation is much more fun. This is not the time to get out the hammers and pry bars—that comes next. Contrary to what your elementary school teachers told you, success at this point depends on your ability to daydream. If you saw need for improvement in step one, imagine in colorful detail what you want to be instead. Be thorough and very specific. If your physical appearance was on the list, visualize the new you, confident and complete. Want to be more outgoing? See yourself as the life of the party. Picture the new car, the clean apartment, the more fulfilling job. Fill in the desired details, like an architect’s conceptual drawing.      

3. Demolition. This phase is fun too, if undertaken with the right attitude. Now that you know what needs to change in your life—and what the new you should look like—it’s time to make a (purposeful) mess of things. If you stop after step two, all you will have accomplished is a lot of useless reflection and wishful thinking. Now is the time to get busy and tear things up; knock down walls; raise the roof, if you must. Are old habits keeping you stuck? Smash them. Relationships that hold you back? Say goodbye. Clothes in your closet that tie you to an old self-image? Give them away.  Be ruthless and relentless until everything that stands between you and your vision is in a dumpster where it belongs—because you can’t replace what you don’t first clear away.      

4. Reconstruction. Finally, it’s payoff time. Nothing is more satisfying than watching your vision take shape before your eyes. After the chaos, it’s fun to choose new paint colors, pick out fresh fixtures and furnishings, and find the perfect curtains. The result is a place you can be truly proud of—and that others will want to visit as well.  What will you put in place of your old habits and attitudes? Who will your new friends be? Your new interests and goals? You get to decide. Make sure the answers are all uplifting, affirming, and life-giving.   

What does all of this have to do with dating? Well, you can’t expect someone else to care for you until you properly care for yourself.

…And She Carries a GUN! Is Packing Heat a Dating Deal Breaker?

Friday night, I was out with my friends and one guy related a story about a young lady he started dating a month ago. They have been on 6 dates and really like each other.  He’s an attractive, normal 36-year-old man, but finding a woman that he’s excited about hasn’t been easy. Needless to say, he is thrilled.

On the 6th date, they were at a BBQ restaurant and she gets up to go to the ladies room.  When the waitress comes to bring the menus he lifts up her purse to move it, and notices that it is very heavy. Too heavy. He feels the purse and is pretty sure he feels the outline of a hand gun.

When she comes back he says, “Do you have a gun in your purse?”

She says, “Yes, I do. I have a .380 semi-automatic pistol, and a permit to carry it.”

Well, this guy almost fell out of his chair. They talked about it, and she told him that she’s never been attacked, but sometimes she feels scared and carrying a gun gives her peace of mind. She, essentially, always has it with her.

She has a permit to carry a concealed weapon, but in their state (Arizona) she can carry it unconcealed WITHOUT a permit. Some checking has shown that in July of 2010 no permit will be needed to carry concealed weapons in AZ. So, long story short – she’s not breaking the law.

Here are the issues at hand -

1.    Would it be a deal breaker for you to learn that your new romantic interest carried a gun almost all the time?
2.    Would it make a difference to you if the person carrying the gun was a woman or a man? Is there a double standard?
3.    Does someone’s desire to carry a firearm all the time tell you something negative about their personality? Is it a red flag for other problems?
4.    If the laws in your area made carrying a firearm illegal would that affect your opinion?
5.    Would you feel safer being with someone who always had a gun?

Seeking Women Who are Right for You

Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll make but the path to finding that person isn’t always as straightforward as you’d hope. If you seem to constantly gravitate toward the wrong relationship choice it’s time to take charge of your romantic life by seeking women who are right for you.

When seeking women, set a goal.

Relationships are hard work. Put your commitment to find someone into action and set a goal for the relationship you want to have and the type of woman you are seeking. Just like in other facets of your life, setting goals sets a commitment and gives you direction. Forget about intermittently dating to pass the time, set a purpose to date women who you could see potentially having a committed relationship with.

When seeking women, spend time self-examining.

Honestly assess yourself—are you radiating the same attributes that you are seeking in a woman? For example, you can’t expect to find a happy, secure and confident catch if you don’t think of yourself the same way. Forget the artificial, sure looks are what initially attract you to a potential mate, and there has to be some level of attraction in a relationship, but if you’re seeking a woman who is right for you in the long term, reach outside of your old paradigm and look at the total package.

Don’t let it be Groundhog Day forever.
Identify patterns from your previous relationships that didn’t work and actually correct them by steering clear of people who exhibit them. Recognize the personality traits that you are drawn to and decide if those are healthy or unhealthy matches for you. Take a look at the pace of your past relationships and how they advanced; do you jump in to fast or do you wait by the sidelines and miss the opportunity?

Listen.
If you’re seeking a woman who is right for you, a simple way to find out if you have a potential match is to simply listen. Just listening to a woman on the first few dates when you are getting to know each other can tell you a lot about the other person. Be engaged in the conversation and ask for more details. The beginning of a relationship is the time to find out if she’s the right woman for you and if it makes sense to continue to date and take the relationship to the next level.

Seeking Women: Is she right for you long term?

Finding someone you can have a good time with can meet the need for instant gratification that you may crave, but if you want to find someone you can have long term happiness with it’s important to know yourself and what your goals for the future are. Compare those goals to your potential partners because having the same life priorities is key if you want a deep and lasting connection. Don’t manufacture chemistry that just isn’t there. If she’s not the right one for you, it’s time to move on and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else who truly is your perfect fit. Remember that attaching yourself to someone isn’t going to make you instantly complete. Continuing to date someone you don’t see a future with will lead to inevitable disappointment for the both of you.

What do you do once you’ve found her?
Once you’ve found relationship success, keep communicating, make your intentions for the future known and always keep mutual respect for one another the foundation on which to grow.

What is the top reason men said they chose their wives? 

5 Hobbies Women Find Sexy

Whether men know it or not, devotion to and passion for a hobby can trump physical appearance any day. We all know the stereotypes of the rock star who makes the ladies swoon simply by stepping onstage or the jock whose on-field skills make the ladies line up against the fence. What a guy does for fun or in his free time says a lot about his character, his drive and his dedication.

Does he excel with a team and shine as a dominating leader, or is he more comfortable flying solo? Is he creative and free, or vigorously dedicated? Regardless of what the actual hobby is or how well he excels at it, a guy who cares deeply for something is interesting, perhaps even more complicated. We have compiled a list of hobbies that are sure to get the ladies to stop and notice.

Playing an Instrument or Rockin’ the Mike

Not only does it take dedication, commitment and talent to play an instrument or belt out a jam, it also takes a lot of bravado. Many women find men who can wield an instrument magnetically attractive. Whether it’s the long-haired wailer, the smooth crooner or the acoustic artsy type, a musician has the ability to lure female fans like a snake charmer.

When they aren’t on the big screen, celebrities such as Russell Crowe, Kevin Bacon and Ethan Hawke are known to dabble in music.

Volunteerism

Anyone who donates his time and resources for the sake of others comes off as a selfless person. Whether he is a Big Brother, a kind sir who plays a hand of pinochle at the nursing home every week or a noble laborer raising roofs for the homeless, this guy is out to make the world a better place by doing what he can. 

Take a cue from Hollywood hunks who contribute their time to benefit the world around them, such as George Clooney, Brad Pitt and U2 frontman Bono.

Participating in Sports

Unlike guys who watch the the game with buddies while throwing popcorn at the screen, active men who are out on the field sweating it out are sexy. Being athletic is an obvious physique builder, but it also enhances and displays a guy’s true character. Playing sports exhibits his dedication to a goal, how fierce a competitor he is and how well he interacts with others. Not to mention that commitment to a 5 a.m. run or a weekly scrimmage denotes a sexy devotion to health and, therefore, happiness.

Consider the surfing, running and biking Matthew McConaughey or the eight-pack on Mario Lopez to solidify the sexiness of sports.

Playing Mr. Fix It

A tool belt, a hammer and an “I can fix anything” attitude are throwbacks to the armor-wielding knights women read about in childhood fairytales. A man who is willing to get his hands dirty and either tear something down or create something is definitely attractive. Not only can he fix the broken pipe under the sink and clean out the gutters to save some cash, he wants to take care of things and make them better by using his brain and his brawn. Can’t blame a guy for trying to improve his surroundings.

Ladies, it’s not as if we can’t fix the faucet ourselves, but why lift a finger if handyman Ty Pennington of Extreme Home Makeover is offering to do it for you?

Risking it All

Racing through the desert on a dirt bike, cliff jumping, skydiving and rock climbing are awe-inspiring hobbies that blend the element of danger with the tough-guy “I’m not scared” stance. These adrenaline adventures are really technical feats, for which the daredevil must study and learn about techniques, physics and human survival.

Whether it’s Tom Cruise, who insists on performing his own stunts, Johnny Knoxville, who abandons safety measures with glee, or David Blaine, who tests his body and mind against the unthinkable, danger is downright sexy.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if your guy doesn’t pursue the aforesaid pursuits. From poetry to painting to tattoo artistry, women and men alike find fervent and committed men attractive. Stimulated by creativity, confidence and enthusiasm, women are intrigued by well-rounded individuals who participate in passionate pursuits. If your guy is invested in a cause, a hobby, a sport or an adventurous pursuit, it not only makes him happy, but also brings out the best in him, which can translate to how well he loves.

5 Friends Every Guy Needs

It was 70s balladeer James Taylor who once said that, with him in your life, you had a friend. Whether down and troubled or if you needed a helping hand, you just had to call out his name and he’d come running. This is all well and good, but once there, was he the right kind of friend?

Not every man needs every type of friend, but all men need these following five in their life…

The Wingman

Of all the numbers buried in a single man’s cell phone, it’s perhaps the Wingman who’s on speed dial 1. Without him, a single man is likely to remain one for a considerable period of time, as the Wingman’s role is to arouse the appropriate amount of confidence to enable his friend to approach women in public places. Sure, it’s not like we can’t go in alone, but with the right kind of Wingman, we’re twice the man we are without him. In the face of failure, he works as a confidence shield. With success, he’s an appreciative audience, a rapturous round of applause. But beware: if your Wingman is too lucky with the ladies, he’ll be casting a heavy shadow that you could get lost in. Conversely, with too weak a Wingman, you two are just a pair of losers in a bar. So pick wisely.

The Ceaseless Single

Apart from the wrinkles and inexplicable sprouts of hair, the other problem with getting older is that your friends start to get paired off. As they disappear into domestic coupledom only to re-emerge when they get a break in their dinner-party schedule, you realize how much you need THIS guy: the Ceaseless Single. Every group of friends has the one buddy who remains resolutely unattached, whether due to bad odor, bad habits, or just plain bad behavior. But there are times in your life when you really need this guy big, someone you can rely on when your wife/other friends/family are just too busy to give you the time of day, and you just want someone to hang out with. He’s the guy you can call on a moment’s notice and know he’s not going to be busy looking after the kids or shuffling around Home Depot.

The Female Friend without Benefits

At first sight not quite as attractive an option as the Female Friend WITH Benefits, this lesser-featured alternative is an essential addition to your friend armory. With the benefits removed, you can start getting the female perspective on everything – from that cologne you’re drowning in to that facial hair you think is attractive – from someone without a vested interest. Finally, you can find out that women don’t care about your new iPhone, have little interest in seeing Saw 3, and are not overly fussed by the NFL draft, all from someone who knows. Plus, there’s more: you can actually talk about your feelings without being laughed at. Go on, you know you want to.

The Escape Life Guy

He doesn’t have to be single, but he does need to be the type of guy who can take off on an adventure when the mood strikes. Whether your preference is a long weekend’s motorcycle ride, a scuba-diving trip in Hawaii, or a long-haul flight to a German beer-fest, Escape Life Guy is your link to a Disney-free world of adventure. He’s always got a half-packed bag ready to go and he’s game to explore the world beyond his cubicle/apartment/better half. Sometimes a guy’s got to cut loose, and he’s the man to do it with.

The Shopping Guy (Yes, You Read that Right)

Although this may seem anathema to many, even menfolk have to occasionally step into a giant mall and splash some cash. Sure, the Female Friend Without Benefits can help with the clothes, but Shopping Guy is your go-to company for electronics, autos, and beyond. He’s the guy who’s been spending as many hours as you have exploring online discussion groups and comparing stats, and he’s as desperate as you are to get his hands on the real deal. More knowledgeable than anyone on the Best Buy payroll, consider him your personal – and portable – consumer report.

Twelve Ways to Know You’re Not His Girlfriend

You’ve been dating for weeks, maybe months. In your mind you’re his girlfriend.  It certainly feels like you’re his girlfriend. There’s passion, love, fun, and maybe even an occasional “I love you.” But there’s a sneaking feeling that you’re not both seeing the relationship in the same way.  Here are twelve tips that can clear things up right away.

Have you Slipped Out of the Comfort Zone?

You’ve been dating for weeks, maybe months. In your mind you’re his girlfriend. It certainly feels like you’re his girlfriend. There’s passion, love, fun, and maybe even an occasional “I love you.” But there’s a sneaking feeling that you’re not both seeing the relationship in the same way. Here are eleven tips that can clear things up right away.

You’ve Never Met His Friends or Family

If you’ve been dating for, say, eight weeks and you’ve never laid eyes on his friends or family, it’s time to start asking questions. Chances are, you aren’t his girlfriend. Sure, we all get busy and sometimes work sends us places where friends and family are scarce. But most likely he’s avoiding this introduction for a reason, and you need to know why.

You’re Not His Date to Major Events

What’s a major event? His company holiday party. (“Those things are boring. I don’t want to put you through it.”) A friend’s birthday party. (“There’s going to be so many people you don’t know. I’ll just make an appearance.”) Thanksgiving at his friends. (“Joe’s a big drinker. I’ll just eat something and come by your place afterwards.”)

If You Haven’t Had the Talk, You’re Probably Not His Girlfriend

Sometimes the loudest thing in the room is what isn’t said. Think about your time together. Have you talked about how you both see the relationship and what you want down the road? Have you talked about being exclusive sexually? If the answer is no, and you’ve been dating for some weeks/months, then you’re probably not his girlfriend.

He Never Calls on the Weekend

If you’re dating a man who doesn’t see you as his girlfriend, it can be hard for him to prioritize you. He clearly likes being around you, but making time for quality interaction means that weekend calls are probably few and far between. You may get lots of texts, because those can be sent easily no matter what the situation, but real human interaction is tough to spare.

You’ve Never Seen His Place

Does he have a load of reasons why you can’t go to his place? “My roommates are pigs.” “I never have time to clean it up.” “Your place is so much nicer. It doesn’t make sense to go to mine.” After some period of time you’ve GOT to see his space. It’s hard to really know a person without seeing where they live, so if he’s giving you the stiff arm about a visit to his home chances are something’s amiss.

You Are Introduced as “My Friend” or Just by Name

It is common and natural to share a person’s connection to you when you introduce them, i.e. “This is my father, Bill.” Some men will try to trot out the old “I’m not into labels” sawhorse, but if he introduces you as “a friend,” that’s exactly what you are. You’re not his girlfriend.

Last Minute Changes Throw Him for a Loop

Here’s a great girlfriend litmus test. How does your guy handle last minute schedule changes? If you called him and said, “Wednesday something has come up. Can we do Friday?”, would the answer typically be no? We’re not suggesting that you test him, but if a legitimate change is needed, consider how he would react. Does he act like a man who is completely booked up and juggling several priorities?

You’re Restricted to the Non-Prime Time Date Nights

Often a girlfriend will have a standing date on Friday or Saturday night – maybe both. If you find that your date nights tend to be Sunday through Thursday, and there’s no work schedule driving the choices, you may want to ask some questions. Would a girlfriend never get a Saturday night date?

Future Talk Makes Him Squirm

It is rare to find men who love to sit and talk about their relationship, so we’re not suggesting that a real boyfriend will seek out deep relationship talks. But a man who sees you as a temporary fixture in his life will avoid that conversation like the plague.

He’s Hot and Cold

Is he hot when he wants to see you and cold when he doesn’t? Are things always on his terms? If you showed up at his work for lunch and said, “Surprise!” would he have a heart attack? All very good signs that you are not his girlfriend.

You Get the Late Night, “Hey, are you home?” Call

It can be sexy to get a late phone call, but it can also be a harbinger of bad things. If you find that your new Mr. Wonderful has a habit of calling you for a visit mostly when he’s on his way home from someplace else, your girlfriend status is in doubt.